Sophia Vignec
November 18, 2025
Over the past ten years, social media has become one of the main ways people show off their relationships and compare them to others. Apps like Instagram, Tiktok, and Snapchat have changed not only how couples communicate but also how people judge the quality of their relationships. The rise of couple content like influencer videos, romantic posts, or couple trends on TikTok has shaped what many people think love should look like. Social media can help partners feel close and supported, but it also brings external and internal pressures. Because so many posts are edited, selected, and promoted by algorithms, couples often care more about how their relationship looks online than how it feels in real life. This post will explore how social media creates unrealistic expectations, encourages comparison, and turns relationships into something people feel they need to perform.
One of the main sources of pressure comes from how controlled social media feeds are. People rarely share arguments, insecurities, or daily routines. They only really ever focus on the best moments. A study from Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking found that individuals tend to compare their own relationships to these highlight reels, which can “lower satisfaction and increase insecurity” (Baker and Oswald, 2010). This comparison is even stronger when people follow influencer couples, whose posts are often planned/pre thought out, edited, and even sometimes promoted for sponsors. Seeing content displays of “perfect” relationships can make other relationships feel like they are lacking. Over time, people my start to believe that real love looks flawless.
Social media also encourages what researchers call “relationship performance”, which in this case is essentially the pressure to showcase love for approval. Likes, comments, and shares almost act like keeping count on a scorecard. Posts about anniversaries, dates, or gifts can become less about individual experiences between two people and more about validation from others. There has been a proven link between posting often about a relationship and needing reassurance from outside sources (Attachment Project, 2025). This can create tension and lead to strife between partners particularly if one feels they have to post to maintain an image or worry that not posting might be seen negatively. Social media becomes a platform where relationships feel like they must be constantly displayed.
Small actions online can also increase stress. Likes, follows, and comments can easily be misread, which researchers call technological jealousy (Muise et al., 2009). For example, a partner liking another person’s photo can cause conflict even if it’s harmless. Another example is the concept of “microcheating” which is “a pattern of seemingly small actions that, over time, cross emotional boundaries and chip away at trust. It’s not the same as physical infidelity, but it can still feel like betrayal.” (Curado, 2025). Microcheating is a controversial topic that was created through social media and is usually done on apps. Social media removes tone and context, making it easy to assume the worst. Constant notifications and public attention make these feelings even stronger, especially for younger users who rely a lot on digital communication.
In conclusion social media provides opportunities for connection and expression but also adds pressure. It promotes unrealistic standards which can encourage comparison, fosters performative behaviors, and creates misunderstandings. These pressures can affect mental health and relationship satisfaction. Being aware of how social media effects romantic relationships can help couples focus on genuineness and prioritize real connection instead of online appearances.
“We can admire exemplary relationships without knowing what really happens behind the scenes.” Photo by: Olivia Beans, Medium, 2021
Highly curated online relationships can set unrealistic expectations for what real intimacy should look like.
Photo by: Zoosk, “Social Media and Relationships: What Science Tells Us”
Works Cited:
Baker, Jessica, and Debra L. Oswald. “Shyness and Self-Esteem as Mediators of the Relationship Between Social Media Use and Social Anxiety.” Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, vol. 13, no. 3, 2010, pp. 161–164. Curado, Cassandra. “Is Social Media Micro-Cheating Breaking Trust?” The Relationship Agency, The Relationship Agency, 17 Sept. 2025, www.therelationshipagency.com/blog/is-social-media-micro-cheating-breaking-trust#:~: ext=Couples%20Counselling,explained%20by%20habit%20or%20personality. “Social Media Use and Attachment Styles.” Attachment Project, 4 Apr. 2025, www.attachmentproject.com/psychology/social-media/#:~:text=A%20person’s%20attac ment%20style%20doesn,more%20often%20than%20avoidant%20attachers. Muise, Amy & Christofides, Emily & Desmarais, Serge. (2009). More Information than You Ever Wanted: Does Facebook Bring Out the Green-Eyed Monster of Jealousy?. Cyberpsychology & behavior : the impact of the Internet, multimedia and virtual reality on behavior and society. 12. 441-4. 10.1089/cpb.2008.0263. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/24277485_More_Information_than_You_Ever Wanted_Does_Facebook_Bring_Out_the_Green-Eyed_Monster_of_Jealousy
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